A Therapist’s Personal Experiences in the Ever-Lasting Search for Balance
Goal: How to Have Balance
The goal for a balanced life for me is avoiding life burnout and exhaustion. I have had days where I am completely depleted because I had not let my brain or physical body rest for weeks. This sort of constant hustle is not good for you. I am learning that part of my life hustle is also slowing the hell down. Because slowing down is when we can re-charge, re-evaluate our needs, and where we can acknowledge what needs our attention, such as our self-care or relationships.
I’m a dreamer and a hard-worker with a high drive and energy to match. I was in a toxic relationship for years and put myself second in my own life for far too long. My experiences mixed with my personality have built this overdriving sense of wanting to accomplish all of my dreams I have ever had. Yet this other side of me is saying, hey Brianne life is so short let’s slow down and enjoy the small moments. It’s a balance between those two concepts right? Well I don’t know about you but for me it is challenging at times to determine how much effort I should put in accomplishing tasks and how much I should put in resting. I also think that this sort of balance between the two falls on a continuum meaning it is subjective and looks different for each person.
My main vision for 2021 was to finally let my voice free. I was muted for far too long and I was ready to openly share my personal experiences tied to my professional experiences. I want to connect with others and support their life journey and self-growth. So with my personality and excitement my 2021 goal quickly took off as I created my blog and a related Instagram page.
When I started my new Instagram page, I was naïve in my vision and execution of creating my platform. While the support and positive feedback has been overwhelming and I have been accomplishing exactly what I sought out to do, I had learned of some downsides. I started to get DM’s to buy followers, I was receiving plenty of disingenuous attention from people who just wanted me to follow them or like their posts, and I began to feel a certain insecure way when I lost followers or I didn't get a ton of likes on a post I worked hard on. There are also plenty of advertisements on how to grow your account and what you have to do and what you don’t do. I started to feel like I had to post everyday, be engaging, and if I didn’t? I would fail. I also began to compare myself to other accounts. Honestly, this was sucking the joy out of it and was clouding all of the positive outcomes. I knew what to do, I needed a break and time to reflect.
I was talking it out with my boyfriend the other night realizing the underlying issue for me was BALANCE. Historically I have thought about the term balance as if it’s this this major calculus problem to solve and by no means am I a mathematician. Something he said resonated with me and it was so simple. He said, “You know it’s okay to slow down in one area of your life when you are needed more in another area. It doesn’t mean you are giving up.”
As a very fast paced society, we talk about balance as if it’s something we finally attain. But it’s not. The look of your balance will change with your life changes and is a flowing concept.
I’m always trying to find my balance because of my obligations of being the only provider and parent to my kids, supervising therapists full-time, teaching college students on self-care part-time, caring for my house, spending time on my self-care and continued growth, and nurturing the relationships in my life. All the while I am also trying to chase my dreams that I am not afraid to go after anymore. Sorry, did I forget that it was a global pandemic and childcare has been scarce and I am now working with my daughter through virtual kindergarten? It’s a lot. I thought I was at a place again where I had to give up on dreams, and stop my 2021 goal. But that wouldn’t bring me joy either. So what was the answer???
My answer was to stop “searching” for balance. It was to begin listening even more to my body and my signs of burnout. It was to let go of comparing myself to others, it was to give myself grace, and to not feel bad for allowing myself the rest that I needed. It was to organize my days better and ensure daily to do lists were not overflowing. I also found it important to drop apologizing to others if something would be late. I also plan to write blogs and post on Instagram when I want to and can and not when I feel others expect it by. When I feel free to do life my way without any self-judgements is when I notice I can truly perform without burning out.
